So.. I met that girl.

People keep telling me to smile, but what't the point anyway? I'm already faking it in front of the cameras, I don't have to in real life though. I dreamed about being an idol. Now I wish that I have never did that. It's not like I don't like it. I love fans, hyungs are great too, I earn quiet a lot but I hate to lie to people. And that's what I mostly do. Fan service, gay love, fake smiles. And I am not even someone important in the band. Ok, fine I maknae but they could have had another one and none would cry. Oh wait. It would be Kai of I left  Oh, so he would be maknae, visual, main rapper and leader dancer.  Oh well did I sound jealous? That he had best dance solos and all eyes are always on him. That he also sing quiet a lot, that he is the pretty flower boy? Seriously, I am not  Sometimes I even feel sorry for him. Sorry that he trusts all this people around us that much. I don't. That's the problem. I did. And I hoped that they'll make the moment of shine for me. Well they didn't. I'm still back up dancer who sings one line in a song. It's been 4 years.

-Sehun- Kai called me. I looked at him. - Can you bring me something to drink?

I nodded and went down to the kitchen. Kai injured his led,  managers didn't want him to walk if he don't have to. As his roommate and a maknae I have to help him. I did't thought that my "best friend" would take it THAT serious. I mean of course something like bringing drink isn't a big deal but he uses me to many different things.

- Hare you go.- I came back and gave him water bottle, than I sat on my bed again with laptop.

- The comeback is close.- Kai still looked at me.- I have already know that I could not be dancing on it. I have 6 months break. Managers although said that I'll sing more.- I glanced at him. Jongin was waiting for my reaction witch didn't show up. - Maybe you'll be the new lead dancer now? I have heard hyungs talking about that.

  Me? Lead dancer? That's sort of a joke. Well that happened when we ended last tour and Lay hyung was't with us. But for longer distance? I don't think so. Even though I wish that would happen.

Don't be ridiculous Sehun. You'll see tomorrow.

***

I wish that this day would never come. Did I really make myself thinking that they can set me on this place?

We walked into the studio. Managers gave us a motivational speak and hand us song's lyrics.

- There os just one more think.- manager looked at us.- Kai cannot dance so we need now lead dancer.- my heart start beating faster. - Of course Lay will be still on his place but the second lead dancer is needed.- please,please,please.- And we decided that ot of course it will be Xiumin.

And I broke down.

With mood worst than ever I came back to room, sat on bed and looked on laptop. I was searching stupid things, and in fact just looking on the screen.

What's the point of staying here? There is no point. I looked at lyrics. Yes one line in all of course songs. Great, isn't it?

Why I even stay here? They don't need me. No one does. I could leave and none of them would notice. None will cry and want me to stay. So maybe this is what should I do? Leave. Don't come back.

I put shoes and jackets on. I came downstairs and see hyungs and managers having fun. They didn't see me. I opened the door and walked out. It was cold outside even thought it was April. I zipped jacket and it stared raining. Well the weather felt me perfectly. I went down the street. Finally I freeze and came into a sort of a bar. I've never been here. I ordered a beer and sat in the corner in the dark. Those people around were.... different. All dressed in black, with some logo bands that I don't even recognize, mostly tattooed or priced from head to toe. Talking in English or other languages. The loud music calmed a little bit.

" I walked the lonely roud the only one I've ever known. Don't know where it goes but it's home to me and I walk alone"

That lyric was precious. It's just great.I wish I could know what's the song is. It means something. It's not a happy shit for popularity. I slowly drank beer...

listening to the song. It makes me feel better.

- Do you like that song?- foreign girl sat in front of me.- That's not something usual for you, isn't it?

I looked at her carefully. She looked young and wasn't really covered with tattoos. She had piercing on her ear and one on lips and I sow a tattoo on her collarbone but it was covered with her hair.

-You can't speak English or want me to leave?- she asked again.

-No I can.- I replied. I wanted her to stay. She smiled warmly.- What band is that?

-It's Green Day'- she answers.- You have herd of them, right?

I felt ashamed. I didn't. Should I?

- I thought musicians know some of the best world artists.

Wait what?

- You know who I am?- I asked.

- Well you don't ware face mask and your face is in almost everywhere so yeah I know.- She drunk her beer.- Don't worry I will not tell anybody that you were here. But you just looked so down and i thought that maybe you need someone to talk with.

I smiled to her. Yes. I did need someone. But I cannot trust a stranger girl in a bar, can I?

- What about we get to know each other first?- I asked.- It would be easier if I known your name, I'm Sehun.

- I'm Mila. 

 Mila, 20 years old girl who was studying here in art academy. Girl with passionate love to rock music and big hate to fake people. We were talking for, I do not know, 3 hours straight. Than I had to comeback, even thought I did not have calls and text from hyungs yet. 

I came back to dorm. Everybody were still in a living room. It's been a long time since I left but they seems like they did not notice. At least I have got Mila's number and the list of songs to check out. I opened the laptop and start listening to the songs.

" Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me. 'Till than I walk alone"

***

Songs were amazing and make me wake up next day in much more positive way.

From Sehun: I listened to all of them, they are amazing.

From Sehun: Send me some more.

From Sehun: How are you btw?

From Sehun: Mila?

And she did not answered me. Really? Ugh. That's frustrating. Why no one care about me? The day passed. We were eating late dinner in dorm when my phone rang. I lazily looked at screen.

From Mila: Sehun I'm sorry. I cannot use my phone in school becouse we have exams now and I just comeback. Please don't be angry with me. Here are songs. 

So she answered me. She really did!

And this is how the next weeks passed. We were texting each other every day. We started talk about more deep things and she became my best friend. We could meet sometimes too. We always went to the same bar and sat on the same table. 

That's where I'm sitting right now waiting for her. I must tell her that I am starting tour and say goodbye. And there she come. I felt weirdly happy seeing her entering bar. But why she is so sad?

The talk was hard for both of us. 

- Mila I'm going on a tour.- I said finally.- But I'll be back.

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. 

- Sehun, I'm leaving too.- tears come out from her eyes.- But I won't come back.

It broke my heart.

I have never thought saying good bey could be that painful. I'm walked into the dorm.

- I'm glad everything is ended.- manager said and everybody looked at me.- You really thought none will notice? Have you thought about fans, about your career about us? What could they think seeing you with tattooed girl, FOREIGN girl? That's good that we know the head teacher of that art school and he kikes her out.

-It's becouse of you she must comeback?- I could not believed in that, but they nodded.

I went to room, closed the door.

From Sehun: Mila don't leave! My managers are idiots, it;s becouse of them. Don't leave me!

I needed her. I truly did.

From Mila: That will be better for both of us.

From Mila: You need to focus on your career. Promise you will. Please do your best and forget about me. I'm changing my phone number so don't text here anymore.

From Mila: I am sorry Sehun but you need to understand. Goodbye.

Tears show up in my eyes. I put head phones one. I turned Green Day on. The music she showed me is the only thing I have now. She makes me feel different, more happy. Now I'm broken. The cry baby tears come out of the dark. I should have known that it will end like this.

DotMary